Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
