seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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