Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
