no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
