Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
