fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
