Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
