Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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