I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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