dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
