T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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