Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
