no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
