I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize