She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
