First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
