walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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