My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
