I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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