Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
