Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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