i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
