I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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