You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His hands were made for my vagina.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
