WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we're so committed to being not committed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
