the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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