Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
