oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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