i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you would pick up someone in the library
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She even gives head with a lisp.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
