Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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