I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
