I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
