rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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