just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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