He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
