I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize