my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
