Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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