i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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