I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
