dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
