i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
