non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
