Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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