i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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