I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
