I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
