I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
