Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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