God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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