I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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