I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
