The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
