and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
