Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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