i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
