nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
