Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
