i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
