I am spending my child support on dildos
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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