I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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