its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
