I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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