that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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