awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
