i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
