Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
