in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
