discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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