didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
