So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
tell me about the eggs
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
