Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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