Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
