The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
