Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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