She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
