Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
