Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You're like the curious george of whores
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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