Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
