i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
