I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am spending my child support on dildos
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
