I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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