I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
