Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
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You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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